Belonging and Loneliness
About 1 in 2 Americans feels alone or left out and 1 in 4 Americans feels that there is no one who understands them. Smoking 15 cigarettes a day has the same physical effects as loneliness in terms of lowering life expectancy! This is comparable with the risk factors of being obese, physically inactive, and living with air pollution!
Why do so many people feel alone and disconnected? The reasons are as complex and interrelated as they seem obvious. I will only list a few: helplessness, hopelessness, unwillingness/inability to ask for help, fear of rejection, inability to make and maintain friendships, widowhood, spending more time facing computers than people, loosing/never developing interpersonal skills, (fear of) not being interesting to others, (fear of) not meeting others’ interpersonal expectations, (fear of) not measuring up as a friend, anger towards a stranger or a very close person to you who hurt you and this anger is keeping you hostage in your emotional prison, and of course, limited opportunities to establish a personal relationship due to physical or personal restrictions. The opportunities to be or become lonely seem endless.
So, what do we do? I propose that the remedy lies in belonging. Connecting is the first step to belong. Finding a common ground or interest the second. Overcoming ones’ fear of rejection and initiating a connection is the most critical one. The latter applying for the lonely and the helpers alike.
Connecting is a two-way experience and it is actually an adventure. It takes courage or bravery to start this endeavor because we either move and risk rejection or wait until someone gets in touch with us and relieves us of that risk. We can reach out to our nation, community, or individuals. Joining many national organizations carries the least risk of rejection. Joining a community organization increases the risk in terms of rejection but also carries a higher potential of actual personal connection and with that the creation of deeper belonging. Any direct person to person initiative carries the highest risk of rejection but also the highest potential of acceptance, reciprocity, and belonging.
When we are lonely it is most difficult to reach out! I hope and wish I could convince all of us to reach out, overcome our fear of rejection, one connection at a time. We just might create a sense of belonging – for ourselves and all of us!
